Attention, USB Thieves! (You know who you are!)

To whoever stole my USB drive on Sunday:

(Or, perhaps more accurately, whoever picked up the USB drive I accidentally dropped somewhere, sometime between, oh, 9 AM and midnight on Sunday):

I'd really like it back.

It's my own little status symbol - my "Precious" - I guess.  I can't afford the new Iphone, or the American Express Black Card, but if you want a bootleg copy of the upcoming "Harold & Kumar" movie or the latest Miley Cyrus album, I'm your man.  I mean, I had to wait a real long time in line at Staples to get that Black Friday doorbuster item.

It's not a question of security or privacy, really - I'm not worried that you now have any useful information. Even if it was on there, my checking account number could probably finance your getaway trip only as far as Elgin, and I have a credit score that wouldn't even get you a Dominick's Fresh Values card.  And, once you get a load of my resume, after you stop laughing, you'll wonder exactly what I did to ever earn a paycheck for the past twenty or so years.  ("Wow - up until the point that he entered high school, he seemed to have so much promise.")

I suppose it is my curse that I have to bear - the same thing happens whenever I try to buy anything fancy.  I can't tell you how many times I have bought the high-tech, ergonomic Dr. Grip pens for $8.99 each and then promptly lost them in less than a week.  So I always end up using the same free Bic pen I got from my bank three name changes ago.  Same thing with those nice Pyrex lunch containers, thermal coffee mugs, and headphones for my Ipod: gone, long gone, and gone by the end of the day.  It has gotten so bad that I now buy absurd quantities of the cheap varieties and simply pre-position them everywhere I think I will ever need them.
Actually, I think there is kind of a retro, coolness factor to being cheap - not just anyone can drink their coffee from the Dixie cups with the jokes printed on them.

But, I digress.  If you want to make a swap, I'll be glad to give you my Swiss Army knife and one of those cool, anti-updraft umbrellas - you've got a couple of days to contact me before I lose those, too.

Thank you for your consideration.

(On second thought, we did do our laundry on Sunday - my USB drive is probably keeping company in clothes washer purgatory with that beige, right hiking sock and a couple of my wife's scrunchies.)